(Mostly) Walked Today's Depot Parkrun 5K

 

I thought that I'd probably go through some insomnia before going with Melissa to this weekend's edition of the Depot Parkrun 5K, held at that location a few blocks south of downtown Gainesville.  Weatherwise, the sky was clear and dipped overnight into the forties.  When the race started at 7:30, it was 47 with 89% humidity.  Planning to speed-walk the course's four laps, I wore a light wind-breaker a long with long sweat pants.  At the start, I found myself going all out with my walking, yet sanother walker was out-walking me.  Eventually I caught up and passed onward.  By the third lap I was jogging through sections of the path that were either level or sloping downward, and pretty much ran the final one (minus the hills, which I walked).  I had already gladly shed my jacket.  My finishing time on my watch was 43:12...click HERE to view the posted results.  I'm certain that there was a terrible mixup with the timekeeping because my time, as I KNOW it, was some 41 seconds faster than what I was credited.  In another year I might have addressed this discrepancy in a polite e-mail, but I'm looking at my primary reason for doing Parkruns nowadays and they always come down to "showing up" and then "following through".  I looked at it all, and concluded that I was honest with myself about doing a strong (for me) Parkrun and decided to let it go.  Good, now let's see how the upcoming week goes and how I feel on November 22nd...

Clemson-Louisville Football Game on Eve of Parkrun

 Seeing that tomorrow morning is Depot Parkrun  5K here in Gainesville and that, anticipating participating in it with Melissa, I usually suffer through a night of insomnia, I settled down this evening in front of the old boob tube to watch Clemson, a recently rare underdog, try to keep up with Louisville in ACC football.  Dabo Sweeney has done well to keep this rebuilding Tigers team playing together as a unit, while the Cardinals, while very talented, tend to make a lot of mistakes.  After their placekicker missed an easy extra point and kicked two makeable field goal attempts wildly to the side, Clemson somehow managed to squeak out a 20-19 road win.  Sweeney was beside himself in ecstasy as if he had just won the national championship again,   But I was tired and just muted the sound and listened to some Amazon Music.  Come tomorrow morning, I predict it to be cold in the forties when the race begins at 7:30, but to quickly warm up as the sun rises...

A Day in My Life Before the Onset of Chemo/Radiation

Sometimes with this blog of my I pick out a specific topic to write about, while on other days I relate what has been going on in my life, and how I feel about it all.  Today it's all about the latter: what's up with me as I approach Day One in my cancer chemotherapy and radiation cycles?  I'm not looking forward to it as it promises to be a monumentally unpleasant experience, yet I'm a bit curious to see how it all turns out.  I haven't been sleeping much at night, although I admit to falling asleep evenings on my living room couch in front of the TV (set on sports).  I tend to arise early in the morning, before sunrise around 4.  Then I brew some coffee and exercise while listening to foreign language radio shows and podcasts.  My favorite stations are Radio France International in French and Chinese and RBB Inforradio, a 24-hour news station in German operating from Berlin.  With podcasts, it's hands-down SBS from Australia, the initials standing for "Special Broadcasting Service".  I get my daily Spanish, Russian and Japanese listening from this great resource.  Then there some self-help podcasts that I watch/listen to on YouTube, getting subtitles of the ongoing program in Russian.  The last couple of days I watched a very slow (but expertly filmed) virtual video on YouTube of "Peter's" first (and possibly final) marathon run, done on the inimitable New York City course through the city's five boroughs.  Then Melissa gets up and, following a little breakfast, I go back to bed to sleep a little more (usually successfully).  Although I tend to tire as the day grinds on, the two of us usually find some time before sunset to walk around our neighborhood block (like today).  It's now a little past six in the evening and I am not at all hungry, although a kind friend of ours arranged to have dinner delivered to our home.  I already told Melissa that I may find myself pushing food away following the start of chemotherapy, and that for those times it would be a good idea to have some good liquid nourishment like Ensure that I could down instead of trying to chew and swallow unappetizing food.  But now is now, and so now I'm going to post this article, shut down the computer and sit back down on the couch for a while.  Good Night!

On Functioning Through Upcoming Cancer Treatments

This late afternoon on our Veteran's Day holiday (I guess I'd be off from work were I not already retired), it is atypically cold here in Gainesville, with temperatures to possibly drop into the upper twenties overnight.  Yet I feel warm, sitting here in this, our nearest Starbucks, sipping on a hot chai tea latte and composing this blog entry. With a delay in  procuring my oncologist-prescribed pill-form daily chemotherapy because of a bureaucratic,  technical pharmaceutical snag (I am blanketed by health insurance coverage), I'm sure that by my planned starting time on the 17th (about 51/2 days from now), it will all be ironed out and I'll be embarking on a six-week-long regimen of difficult brain cancer treatment mixture of chemotherapy and radiation sessions.  I'm not looking forward to what I may need to endure throughout those cycles, but on a deeper level I recognize that it is the responsible course of action.  My big hope (and prayer) is that I'll function adequately throughout the whole experience and will come out of it all in a generally better, more promising state of health.  I wrote earlier of my plan to replace on-the-road distance running with no-impact "rock-running" in the "long run"...for the past three days I have been doing just this.  Maybe this evening I'll do some more while watching Peter's three-year old, excellent You Tube six-hour video of his own (his YouTube channel is titled "The Manor Runs"), admittedly undertrained, initiation into run/walking the New York City Marathon.  I'd also like to see whether anyone else bothered to make a point-of-view, virtual posting of their own experiences in the Big Apple for their special 2025 event.  I have a lot left over in my life to anticipate doing, and returning to running long-distance races is certainly still on the table, right smack in the middle at this writing.  Next January the Florida Track Club has scheduled its annual Mary Andrews Marathon/Half Marathon event to take place on the eastern end of the awesome Hawthorne Trail, starting and finishing from the same spot in Hawthorne. Since their stated course time limit is six hours for the 26.2-mile marathon, I feel confident that, should I enter the race for a half-marathon and finish a bit over three hours, they would still be around to record and post my finishing time there (they'll still be around waiting for the marathoners).  My main task will be convincing Melissa to drive me there and back.  And that totally depends on how I do with my upcoming cancer treatment. Just speaking based on my current so-called "athletic" state, my speed-walking space has slowed down quite a bit within a short timespan...maybe I'll pull off a faster Depot Parkrun 5K this coming Saturday should we go down there.  Beyond this, though, there is a bigger picture for me to see and apply: tackling the approaching treatment bravely and being grateful for the opportunity to undergo it, while minimizing becoming emotionally distraught over the possible difficulties arising from potential or expected side effects. It's going to be a rocky road, to be sure..     

Just Back from Prep MRI Visit at UF Health

Today Melissa took me down to the University of Florida Health Medical Plaza...and the adjacent Davis Pavillion...on Archer Road to get an MRI scanning and have my plastic radiation face mask applied and sized,  The plan now is for me to start my chemotherapy/radiation cycles on Monday, November 17 in the same location.  The MRI, which I just underwent for the third time in some three weeks, isn't bad.  It's just that I'm not at all happy being sonically bombarded for upwards to a half hour with loud, harsh, grating metallic noise coming from the machine as it does its magnetic resonance imaging.  Well, the folks there, who were very considerate and helpful, seemed satisfied with the results.  As were the technicians who drew my blood afterwards.  It seems that blood tests will be a regular, ongoing feature of my cancer therapy...I don't want any  counts deemed especially significant to get too low or too high.  As for me right now, the day has been wearing on and it's mid-afternoon already.  I plan to exercise some more before slowing down and then let the evening put me into more of a sleepy mode.  By the way, go Dolphins!  Regarding exercise, I'm thinking about completely modifying my mode of athletically inclined physical activity by substituting my own invented routine, "rock-running", for slow long-distance runs while maintaining a more cautions "wait and see" attitude about entering these types of public races.  It should keep my VO2 Max level and cardiovascular fitness at a higher level and save a lot of wear and tear on my legs' soft tissue...

Possible Side Effects of Upcoming Cancer Treatments

Well, it looks as if I'm about to embark on a series of troubling treatments for my diagnosed cancer, starting with tomorrow's facial mask fitting at the UF Medical Plaza for my upcoming rounds of radiation.  In conjunction with that future scenario, full of predicted possible side effects including fatigue, nausea and constipation, one of my physical therapists yesterday paid us a house visit.  His intentions were spot-on although I had some difficulty understanding the technical jargon he used about getting a new exercise bicycle and walking aid.  It's going to be a test of my will to stand steady in the midst of adversity.  I've already written that I'll be focusing on simple things like showing up and following through, without getting hung up on levels of achievement.  Since at this stage I'm not envisioned as a "resident" hospital patient, I'll be taking on more personal responsibility for the needed self-care that will be greatly enhanced by that which my sweet Melissa will be providing me.  Standing up, successfully navigating the toilet and cleaning (and drying) myself in the shower are basic functional activities that fatigue and stressors on my digestive system could well challenge in terms of my ability to follow through with them.  Also, staying active regarding physical exercise...including future weely Parkrun 5Ks...has been a suggestion from my oncologist.  I think it's important to "will" myself into action, at least on a short-term basis, once the effects of my treatment begin to sink in.  I don't know the exact date my chemotherapy/radiation will begin, but I hope to be ready for it as the almost certainly unpleasant routine settles in...

Today's Depot Parkrun 5K: Showed Up, Followed Through

 

After skipping Gainesville's free weekly Depot Parkrun for two weeks in a row (morning after brain surgery on 10/25, staying home as cautionary measure on 11/1), Melissa drove me down there this morning to walk the 3.1-mile course.  Meeting us there was our dear friend Kim, who is in great shape and had no trouble keeping up with me throughout the event.  It was around 60 degrees with near-100% humidity...a little chilling to begin with.  There were a lot of folks there, making it often a little tedious going down the path while trying to avoid others.  Kim is a great conversationalist, meaning that she is a great listener.  I talked a lot, but found over the span of the race that it kept me from accelerating into my current fastest walking pace.  Hardly sweating any, I finished it with a time of 56:06 with my weight gain into the 180's holding me back.  I'm guessing that I could have lightly jogged through most of it and garnered a better finishing time, but I'm also being cautious about any possible jarring to my head.  Afterward, we went to our nearby Dunkin' Donuts for some coffee and doughnuts.  I'm very glad for this experience and look forward to the possibility in going at it again a week from now.  I did notice during our walk the very noisy grackles and red-wing blackbirds, who were concentrated in tree branches in the nature section of the park.  You can view today's results by clicking HERE.  Instead of straying into too much competitiveness regarding this event, I focused on the priorities of showing up and following through to the end, which I think I succeeded in accomplishing this morning...

More Procedures, Oncologist Consult Today

Today Melissa and I went to have my the staples in my surgical scar on the top of my head removed...the procedure, a little painful, went very quickly and smoothly. Later on we consulted with our new radiation oncologist, who discussed with us the ins and outs and ups and downs of my future sessions.  Before all of  this ensues in the coming week or two, I'll need for them to fit a plastic mask for my face and undergo an MRI to more exactly pinpoint where it is that they will want to aim their radiation beams.  Since I went "all in" for state-of-the-art medical treatment to combat this scourge, I will comply with the directives coming down my way.  To the future (and beyond)...

Oncologist Visits Today and Tomorrow

 Earlier today...still during late afternoon...Melissa and I met on Zoom computer-video conference with my UF-Health oncologist to discuss my current brain cancer status and lay out the scenario for my future chemotherapy and radiation treatments.  Although the discussion at times seemed prolonged and avoiding progress, it was a good overall experience.  Tomorrow I'm scheduled to get my surgical scalp staples removed, followed by a consult with a radiation oncologist to discuss the future treatment plan and possible side effect drawbacks.  I'm looking forward to some good future outcomes...

Question of Engaging in Parkruns While Under Cancer Treatment

As far as my ongoing condition as a brain cancer patient is concerned, I recognize that I do not have extensive specialized technical schooling and training as a medical student or resident physician.  But I am fluent in my own language and can reason things out, given a reasonably simple explanation of my condition and the available options at my disposal to improve it. It looks as if I will soon be driven often to receive oncological treatment, either in the form of chemotherapy or radiation.  That's bound to cause some adverse side effect reactions from me, so I could use help with loved ones encouraging my activity and physical fitness in the face of what may look to be a grueling, extended period of time. My hope is to return to a fitness level in which I can effectively participate in the weekly Parkrun events, two of which are held in the Gainesville area. I just don't need anyone trying to talk me out of a swath of my remaining life here on Earth with overly technical scare-language.  Neither am I interested in following hyper-competitive elitists who just don't understand the larger issues in these events.  If you're a fast boy between 11 and 14, you have your whole life ahead of you...go ahead, run fast and be happy. I just turned 69 and am generally considered "beyond employment".  Let the competitors in these Parkruns try to beat each other (and me) out: just dispense with your sarcasm and move on if you haven't anything positive to contribute...   

America (and Florida's) Fascism

Just before the 2024 presidential election took place a year ago, Donald Trump's first White House chief of staff, John Kelly, warned the nation that Trump is a fascist and that people who voted for him are assenting to fascism in the ensuing four years.  Since then I've noted, on the biased FoxNews channel, assorted hacks trying to discredit people who label the current administration as fascist, claiming that they were speaking from ignorance and didn't understand what the term meant.  I don't have a detailed scientific definition of fascism at my disposal, but I recognize when a party or movement emphasizes strongman control of their "territory" over adherence to democratic principles like respecting election results.  I think my current Florida governor, Ron DeSantis, is a fascist for this reason as he seems determined to stonewall the overwhelming result of Gainesivlle's local referendum on returning its utility,GRU, to local administrative management.  They're set to file suit to prevent the utility from returning to city commission control...DeSantis only respects election results that go his way. Still, he has his apologists like current GRU CEO Ed Bielarski, who likes to play the fascist game of lecturing people about the dangers of majority rule.  Likewise, Trump wants to make as a priority the drastic restriction of general voter eligibility so that he can manipulate future elections in his favor...and if he loses, then it's all rigged and he has his pet Proud Boys militia group to go cry to. The dude is a right-wing extremist dictator wannabe, making him a fascist in my mind. Likewise, I'm not convinced that newly elected New York City mayor Zohran Mamdani won't cause trouble if he can't just speak desired law changes into effect with his charming, charismatic voice and smile.  I see these elected politicians as public servants, not MY leaders.  If they get the notion into their heads that I need to get into a kneeling position to be their sycophant, then they represent a disturbing turn in the way politics is practiced in this country.  Is America fascist yet?  We'll see what happens in the next few weeks.  I just don't need some freakazoid with a swollen ego lecturing ME about the proper posture to take toward HIM...

Today's Off-Year Election Raises Concerns

Today, the first Tuesday in November, 2025, is a traditional election day in an off-year sense.  It's not a presidential election year and US Senate and state governor races are held in even-numbered years, not this one.  Yet in many localities, mine included, there was at least one measure on the ballot left to the voters to decide.  The results of the question of returning Gainesville's local utility, GRU, to management by its elected commission, will be revealed in a little while.  Meanwhile, there is the election of New York City's mayor to consider.  Andrew Cuomo, who I think should really be president right now, is struggling to catch up with upstart left wing radical Muslim sympathizer Zohran Mamdani, darling of the current opinion polls.  Mamdani, smug and arrogant, always seems to be wearing one of those smiles that never reaches his eyes: his viciousness creeps me out.  Even Trump, in my opinion the worst failure of a president I have experienced, was right when he endorsed Cuomo over Mamdani. But I expect the latter to be voted in to office as the results pour in.  In any event, I have little faith in my own governor in reaction to the Gainesville referendum: government in America is broken and DeSantis will stonewall the results with his own brand of arrogance.  Now for me it's on to life and living it...I'm off the clock with the elections...

Looking Forward to My First Walking Parkrun Following Surgery

As I tackle each day in my post-brain surgery life from early morning onward, I find that I always have choices about how I live.  For example, today I got up and dutifully engaged in about one hour of zone one cardio level while listening to foreign languages on TV.  Later, Melissa and I together did a moderately-paced 1.4 mile walk around the adjacent block in our home neighborhood.  Throughout this time, I felt quite fit enough to walk a 5K event.  That's interesting because, the way I've been seeing it, my medical providers have lately been taking an overcautionary, almost enfeebling approach when it comes to giving me the "OK" for publicly-available racing events such as Parkrun.  They are held each Saturday morning (two locations in the Gainesville vicinity) and stress attendance and fitness over competition and eliteness.  Under pressure for the sake of my medical state, I skipped this past Saturday's Parkrun although I was confident of being able to complete the course without negative repercussions.  This coming Saturday morning will also have Parkrun, and I'm hoping that my health provider won't stand in my way of participating in it.  My intention is to simply walk the Depot Park 4-lap course at a reasonably brisk pace...no running to happen here anytime soon.  Also, my planned ventures are confined to Parkrun events and will exclude others conducted the the Florida Track Club and Tyler's Hope.  We'll see what happens... 

Early Voting on GRU Control Today

Today represented the final day in Florida for early voting before this coming Tuesday's election day.  The only matter up for a vote on my part is the question of whether the locally elected Gainesville city government can regain operational and financial control of Gainesville Regional Utilities.  In his shameless plot to defame opposition Democratic Party officeholders as being irresponsible and corrupt, our dictator/governor Ron DeSantis removed GRU from local control and gave it to a purely Republican hand-picked committee.  When they tried putting this measure on the ballot, he sued to stop the vote (and lost)...DeSantis is a dyed-in-the-wool anti-democratic demogogue who should have been thrown out of office for mishandling the COVID-19 pandemic in 2020-21...I believe many in Florida died of this pandemic because of his incompetence.  He doesn't want you or me voting, and I predict that this question, which I predict will easily pass, will garner his focus as he will do whatever he can to sabotage it.  This dude does not represent me or my interests in any way, shape or form.  Melissa drove us to our public library branch building for the early voting, which went off very smoothly with all the workers demonstrating competence and politeness toward us.  If the Republicans hadn't been so deadset against people getting to vote on something, this might have been a reasonable issue to discuss on its merits.  Well, I got up early this morning and exercised a bit.  Now I'm tired and still have a lap around the block to walk.  Still, I'm glad I voted, for what it was worth...

My October, 2025 Running, Etc., Report

Long before October, 2025 came around, I had written much of it off regarding running and speed walking, at least in the context of participating in public racing events.  Melissa and I were gone on our cruise on Saturday the fourth and eleventh, and looking back the only available day for me last month turned out to be on the 18th.  That was the time I walked three fourths of the Depot Parkrun course, running the final lap.  And then a medical emergency slammed into my life, with the following available Parkrun Saturday taken up by me recovering from intense brain surgery, bedded down in the hospital's intensive care unit.   My brain, it seems, is doing fine right now although I don't know which direction we're going with it in the longer run.  I'm not driving (although I feel fully capable), depending on Melissa to transport me around as per our understanding.  I'd like to participate in Parkruns this month, starting on the 8th, but that depends in large part on how she's doing with the idea when the opportunity arises.  The Florida Track Club is holding its annual Tom Walker half-marathon out on a revised course featuring the Hawthorne Trail...that may be a little too rough of a task for me to take up.  As for my fitness, I can work out at home or do neighborhood walks.  But with these my body is more or less hostage to the outer events taking place around me.  So I guess I'll be exercising some in the house while trying to avoid getting carried away with heavy activity.  Oh, by the way, that NYC Marathon is set to begin early tomorrow morning, for the 50,000+ entrants who managed to scramble aboard in it.  Who knows whether I'll ever be in it. I need to focus on the present and avoid letting things get ahead of me...

Skipping Today's Parkrun 5K

Last night my sleep was fitful, with my FitBit watch registering the experience at a "poor" 53.  Had Melissa and I arisen at the same general, normally-early time and concurred on attending this morning's Depot Parkrun 5K...just a few blocks south of downtown Gainesville...we'd have suited up and walked the event's four laps, getting our barcodes scanned and finishing (walking) times posted online...to view them click HERE.  To be sure, I was already outspokenly confident that I could easily cover the 3.1 miles...it was just a matter of "how fast".  Well, we skipped it and enjoyed breakfast together at home.  Later I checked the posted results, noting how similar they were to previous trends even with today's much cooler temperatures in the forties.  We just came back from our neighborhood walk: 2 laps totaling 1.4 miles in 26:23 (not that I was racing).  Earlier today a registered nurse doing physical therapy visited our home and we sorted out the facts of my ongoing condition.  Hopefully, by early Saturday morning on the 8th, Melissa and I will be ready to resume our weekly Parkrun adventures.  In the meantime, I'm stuck with overhyped college football games on TV: I don't care who wins or loses, but I'm sick and tired of the loud, overemotional hype and stupid commercials presented in hip-hop.  This evening, baseball's World Series finishes with the deciding Game Seven between the LA Dodgers and Toronto Blue Jays.  I have nothing at stake with the outcome, so whatever. Later on this coming week, my scalp's staples should be removed, allowing for a tighter sealing of my skin on my head.  My appetite's good, digestion seems to be working, and I'm very happy to NOT be expected anytime soon at work. I would just like to enter a phase in my life in which I can establish some regular routines without "special events" imposing themselves on me and interrupting my initiative and actions. Oh, one other thing.  The Democrats in my Gainesville area installed a ballot initiative for voters to decide on whether the local public utility should be locally-run instead of by the dictator-DeSantis-controlled state government.  The fascists sued to keep it off the ballot (they don't want my vote to count for anything), but this Tuesday we can go down and vote on the measure, for all the good that will do if it passes.  When I walk into the voting room, I expect to be thoroughly scrutinized and harassed by hostile, partisan poll workers...

Coming Up on Cool, Pleasant Weekend

 On this final day of October, 2025, I find the outside to be cooler and windier...and much sunnier.  I am continuing to recover from my brain surgery of exactly a week ago, with further potential treatment options forthcoming.  Predictably, tomorrow morning will be yet another Saturday, planted in local tradition with the weekly Parkruns I've grown habituated to attending (I've completed 90 events since 2019).  The distance involved is 5K (3.1 miles), and I feel I can easily cover all of the required four laps through the park walking.  Yet Melissa has her doubts based on how she sees my current state of being, and I'm inclined to go along with her final recommendation on the subject...at least for this upcoming weekend..although I am on an overall higher level of physical fitness.  My outlandish-looking head-top surgery staples should be removed from my sorry old scalp sometime late next week, and until then I'm consigned to dealing with the headaches arising from that earlier procedure.  My endurance and sense of balance are fine, and I think I'd enjoy a nice, noncompetitive Parkrun walk with the temperatures in the forties.  But this involves getting up early in the morning and being "on time" for the 7:30 start while making sure I'm wearing their barcoded wristband.  I think Depot Park is a nice location, and we can always get some coffee afterwards. In any event, I want to be positive and proactive with my recovery. I want my future to contain some realistic promise for it and see this weekend as an opportunity to better my condition.  I do so much need some respite from this dreary diagnosis.  As for posting links of my blog articles to my page on Facebook, I've abandoned that notion after this site (that is so lax with security protections) blocked me yesterday. Facebook isn't working for me, and I won't work for it, ever again.  And if anyone trolls me for a comment I post on it, they're getting it right back in their face...

Dunkin' Treats and Song of the Month

 It's a pretty, clear, cool and windy day outside this afternoon on Halloween Eve, and I am now sitting in the dining room at my Chromebook writing this.  Melissa just drove me over to our nearby Dunkin' for some of their fancy coffee and a half dozen doughnuts, all set up while Jewel's big hit Standing Still was being piped through the store's sound system.  Afterwards, I finished my daily foreign language copying sentence-by-sentence...it's fun to see how much I can put together and derive meaning from.  So today I'll be mentioning my "song of the month"for October 2025: Garbage's There's No Future in Optimism.  It's the fourth straight month I've picked this British alternative rock group, fronted by Shirley Manson, for the honor.  Starting with the repeated phrase "If you're ready for love", Shirley then goes off on a message of standing firm in creative love in the face of social disruption and societal breakdown: the ultimate "drop out" song.  The most profound lines in it are, "There is no future that can't be designed

With some imagination and a beautiful mind"  The idea Is that none of us have to ride the momentum thatcan build up hatred, protest and adversityif we allow for that to happen...we can simply stop on a dime and turn around.  Since I don't see anything of value being released during the next two months in 2025, I'm guessing that There's No Future in Optimism will be my Song of the Year for 2025.  It's a song that I think the Beatles could have made into a hit back in 1969 had they not broken up and if George Harrison...whose voice resembled that of Manson's...had written it and promoted its recording.  After all, that was the time right after John Lennon proposed to Paul McCartney that the band members each contribute four tracks to their next album...and Paul was too exhausted from his daughter's recent birth to seriously consider it. I could have done well with the Fab Four remaining a unit and coming out with a few relatively mediocre albums over the next two or three years...oh, well.  As for Yours Truly, I am bent on recovery from my October 24th surgery, and am subsequently being stubborn in pushing for a better, longer, and higher-quality existence during the time left for me here on Earth.  God bless all of you...

October Dinginess at Starbucks

Please read this as a "mood" piece...

On this dingy, climatically unpleasant day in late October, I am sitting here at my nearest Starbucks, driven here by Melissa after the health care authorities at the hospital enjunctioned me against driving for a while. The business is slack and the workers are right now inactive, standing around talking.  I don't like the corporate music being piped through above me, but the cinnamon dolce latte Melissa ordered for me is very good.  I remember years ago when I could walk into this place and sit at a high black-top rectangular study table that resembled high school chemisty lab, quickly lighting into my reading and writing.  Coffee shops used to be good places to go to just sit and think, but in the most recent years I've usually felt the urge to get up and leave after only a few minutes there.  There's this creepy sense of being under someone else's negative scrutiny, and I'd rather be in a place that accommodates my desired privacy without any feeling of an impending deadline for the stay.  So sitting comfortably at home, my head leaning back on a soft pillow, seems more attractive: maybe I can slip into a nice nap!  On the other hand, why not just pass up on Starbucks and sit at the dining room table from here on? With my medical issues I don't see circumstances improving in the near future.  With me and my afflictions, at least for these recent times, my negative reactions have arisen from their treatment and not directly from the afflictions themselves.  So here I am at Starbucks, a recently-turned 69 year old man with a horribly hideous surgical scar streaking across the top of my head, just barely under the cover of hair.  Welcome, Halloween! I am grateful to be able to be at home, finally released from hospital confinement.  I can still exercise, which I do through no-impact movements that raise my heart rate to zone-like levels: that's good.  Well, I am committed to a light shower later on today, and then it's the couch for me.  I really deeply love and appreciate my dear Melissa, as well as our sweet, silly uptight mixed-breed rescue dog Daisy, who I call "Little Pee Wee"...

Recovering from Grave Brain Surgery: Life is Fragile

 No expectations.

I am retired, with a memory of colleagues who passed on soon after they finished their careers...one died while still employed and looking ahead to retirement.  Physically, I am in very good condition and have a lot of cardiovascular endurance.  Unfortunately, I have cancer.  Brain cancer.  And it seems to be terminal.  It wasn't diagnosed until exactly a week ago when Melissa drove me to the UF Health emergency room, where they did the ct-scan on my head that showed the golfball-size tumor.  Without ever going home, I was medically transported to the Shands Neurosurgery building off SW Archer Road.  The brain surgery was performed early Friday afternoon there by Dr. Koch and his able team.  The tumor's analysis confirmed its malignancy and aggressive nature. After experiencing an absolutely unncessary psychologically traumatic night in their intensive care unit under the control of bullying RN Antonio, I was deemed recovered enough to (gratefully) transfer to a "normal" med-surgical floor, where I stayed another night before being discharged yesterday.  I'm at home, now, very well-cared for by my sweet Melissa, and am sitting in the dining room typing on this Google Chromebook.  My plan is to take each day as it comes, speak frankly with love, and enjoy the life I have left coming to me.  It's fragile, way too fragile for my tastes!  So, I'm happy that the Dolphins, Dodgers, Buccaneers and Mississippi Rebels all won...but it would have been okay had they lost.  In my present life, my priority is to maintain myself in a positive mental attitude and to encourage recovery while minimizing my head pain without seeking any chemical dependence.  Peace is a wonderful thing, and I'm grateful that Melissa is here with me providing it..