From Own Experience, Work Settings Can Affect Social Attitudes

Over the course of my own work experience, I had been in different social situations, by that meaning that my assignments have been structured at times to where co-workers (and myself) work in regular, close proximity to one another to the point where regular conversation is not only available, but seems almost mandatory...if you don't want to appear antisocial to the others, that is.  In other scenarios, employees sometimes work side-by-side but mostly are on their own to perform their assignments, with space between them tending to be the rule rather than the exception.  It is this latter format that I have been enjoying for more than ten years at my workplace, and I have to say that it has been a blessing to me.  I also have noticed over the course of my now-37+ years working there that when people work "too" physically closely together for regular, long stretches that in those areas I pick up on a lot of negativity, dissension, gossiping and generally nasty attitudes coming from a lot of them.  There are some positions that, on the surface, may seem to be attractive were it not for this bunching together of workers, making for pressure to conform to others' negative and manipulative behavior patterns.  Better to be a freer spirit with one's own clear-cut objectives to get through the working day, that is, if you're able to choose that kind of assignment...

Podcaster Discusses ADHD

On today's Mindset Mentor podcast, personal development coach Rob Dial discusses ADHD, or attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder.  His position is that it isn't necessarily a disorder, but rather a different way some people's minds are constructed, more appropriately and neutrally referred to as a trait instead of a disorder  He says that it is typified by three characteristics: inattention, distractibility, and hyperactivity.  For each, Dial suggests a positive side.  With inattention, typified by drifting away from what isn't interesting, there is often hyperfocus on what does attract interest. And with this arises an enhanced ability to creatively solve problems.  With distractibility, Dial replaces the negative connotation with the more positive presence of higher curiosity, once again contributing to problem solving with a greater propensity to think outside the box.  And finally, with regard to hyperactivity, our host refers to it as an ample supply of energy, perhaps directed in a way that others might not like.  In concluding, Rob Dial urges people either diagnosed with ADHD, or who strongly feel this within themselves, to be more physically active, take on new challenges, and embrace and accept the ADHD.  I was interested in this episode because a few years ago I took an online test to see if I had ADHD...if you scored 15 or higher out of a possible 20 you were advised to "run to a doctor"...I scored 17, and it explained much of what I have experienced throughout both my childhood and adult life, especially concerning how I handled school.  I for one do not feel that kids so diagnosed (or adults for that matter) should be drugged to alleviate the so-called "symptoms" of this so-called "disorder"...

Quote of the Week...from Xander Schauffele

I put little goals in place every day, and I think if you can kind of keep to the small things it's easier to capture the big picture at the end.                                                 ---Xander Schauffele

Xander Schauffele is a PGA golfer who is on a bit of a roll: not only did he win a gold medal for the USA in the Tokyo Olympics last year, but he has just won his second straight tournament, following up his Travelers victory with the Scottish Open title this past weekend.  In both tournaments he employed a careful, methodical style, rising to the top of the leader board and remaining there throughout the final two rounds. In interviews he is unassuming and cordial, no prima donna here.  Xander's above quote captures the essence of a lot of what I've been learning about self-improvement in whatever area of my life that I'm tackling.  Do small things better, a little at a time and change those bad habits into good ones.  In the course of just one year a marked improvement will be evident and in the long run, greatness can be attainable.  But first the little things.  Thanks, Xander, I'll be rooting for you...

Quote of the Week...from Neil deGrasse Tyson

Humans aren't as good as we should be in our capacity to empathize with feelings and thoughts of others, be they humans or other animals on Earth. So maybe part of our formal education should be training in empathy.  Imagine how different the world would be if, in fact, that were "reading, writing, arithmetic, empathy."                                                               ---Neil deGrasse Tyson

What kind of world would we have today if empathy were a highly-stressed element of children's upbringing, with parents, teachers and other adult role models consistently exhibiting it in their relationships with them and each other?  Neil deGrasse Tyson hit it right on the head with his above quote...and the fact that he even felt a need to express it says something about the sad state of affairs today regarding this crucial virtue's lacking in society. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you...that's empathy: put yourself in another's place and try to picture the world (and yourself) as they see it (and you) without prejudgment...this is a skill that with our inherently self-centered natures does not come naturally: it does have to be taught! And teaching it comes in two forms: (1) you make it a topic for deliberate instruction as Tyson suggests, and (2) you present yourself as an living example for others to emulate.  That's a powerful combination... 

Quote of the Week...from Gandalf in Lord of the Rings

All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.            
                                               ---Gandalf the Grey from J.R.R. Tolkien's Lord of the Rings.

In J.R.R. Tolkien's Fellowship of the Ring, the first volume of his Lord of the Rings fantasy series from the 1950s, protagonist Frodo is bemoaning the horrible succession of events after his uncle Bilbo Baggins gave him the "Ring of Power".  The good wizard Gandalf's reply is sympathetic, and he concludes it with the above quote.  Storms and trials will always be with us and at times will seem turbulent and painful.  But through all of them...as well as the good times...each of us has the authority, as well as responsibility, to be stewards of the time allotted to us in our respective lives.  I think of some tough times I've gone through in years gone by and have come to the conclusion that it wasn't the difficulty of the crises I passed through that I had grounds to grieve over, but rather my responses to them.  All of these things currently going on around me in the news are bigger than me, and I am just one person.  Granted this fact, I still live in these times and have the authority to act in a positive, constructive way that...at a future time looking back...I will not be ashamed of.  May I just humbly suggest that others take this advice to heart as well for themselves?

Quote of the Week...from Clint Eastwood

The older I get, the less I try to tiptoe around other people's feelings.  You either like me or you don't.  Simple as that.                                               ---Clint Eastwood

This quote I picked up from a Facebook friend's posting a few days ago and I'm running with the idea that it's something the great actor/director actually said...it certainly dovetails with what I know about him.  And it's also become pretty certain in my mind that I'm getting older...I'm often reminded of this fact when people automatically give me senior discounts on my purchases.  Aging in itself does not impart wisdom, but one thing I have learned over the years is that it's impossible to please everyone and that even if I do or say everything "right", somebody is going to be offended and a few will even venomously despise me...there's no getting around that.  I like another quote, this one a line from Max Ehrmann's celebrated prose poem Desiderata: "As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons." This means to treat with benevolent consideration even those whom I dislike or think are toxic and/or disruptive influences in my social world...but only up to a point.  So I try...usually successfully...to maintain politeness and goodwill toward those around me.  Yet there are people who are so bullying and manipulative that I have to draw the line and assert my own personal boundaries when they egregiously step over that line...this is where Clint's quote kicks again, and no, those people aren't going to see me tiptoe around their precious little feelings.  For what it's worth, I happen to like Clint Eastwood...two of his "spaghetti" westerns, The Good, the Bad and the Ugly and A Fistful of Dollars are right there near the top of my all-time favorite movies list.  And the man is an independent thinker who calls things the way he sees them...if you've followed his politics for the last few years you know what I mean.  I wish him the best and appreciate all of his past contributions...

Quote of the Week...from Stephen Covey

Live out of your imagination, not your history.                 ---Stephen Covey.

You may be already know Stephen Covey from his blockbuster hit book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People a few years ago...he's written several spinoff books since then.  So it's not surprising that he would have quite a few practical, uplifting quotes...I found the above one and would like to share what I think of it...

Each and every one of us has our own histories that are composed of the multitudes of experiences that have constructed our unique individual life tapestries...I cannot escape my own personal history as I go forward with my life.  But I also have the ability to consciously employ my imagination and reasoning to take the present moment and behave in a different way from what my past might otherwise dictate to me...and by so doing, I am not only fulfilling the essence of Stephen Covey's exhortation, but also changing who I am by adding something new and positive to my own life's tapestry.  For what I consciously do now will inevitably be part of my history, for better or for worse.  Using my imagination and doing things that are out of my comfort zone serves to widen my choices in the future and allow me more freedom to make it more fulfilling.  Also, by employing my imagination in deciding what to do in the present moment, I am digging more deeply into my own subconscious, where ironically some of my more pressing unmet needs from my past may be submerged...

There is one other thing I'd like to add to Covey's quote: it says to live out of your imagination...but I say that, being social creatures as we humans are, it's also all right to listen to the products of others' imaginings and, if discerned to be good ideas, to adopt them as your own and to live out of them as well...after all, isn't that what I'm doing with this quote?

Nationalistic Fan Misbehavior at Soccer Matches

During one of those soccer matches between national teams, a horrendous event occurred recently.  Russia was playing on the road at Montenegro (in former Yugoslavia) in one of those interminable world or continental tournaments...this one had something to do with the "national" team European championship (as opposed to the "league" team tournament).  Shortly into the match, someone from the stands fired a flare at the Russian goalkeeper and hit him, burning him.  He was taken off the field, in great pain.  The match was resumed and a little while later, another Russian player was hit with something...and the referee then wisely ended the game. This is another example of why I deplore the national team format in international sports competition: it brings out the worst in people...

Still, that doesn't preclude nationalism from creeping its ugly head even into league contests, despite the fact that league teams, especially those at the top of competitive standards, tend to recruit their players from all over the world. The other day I sat down to watch a Major League Soccer match between the Salt Lake City and Toronto teams, held in the town of Sandy, Utah.   Before the match, as is customary, both Canada's and the United States national anthems were played.  While Canada's was going on, the stadium continued to be very noisy, with the fans seeming to ignore our northern friend's anthem.  But when the Star-Spangled Banner was played, respectful silence, only interrupted by some loud, enthusiastic cheers, took over the stadium.  I found this behavior, albeit obviously not on the same level as hurling flares and objects at the opposing team, to still be highly jingoistic and disrespectful.  Sure, be a true-blue American and honor your own national song, but also as a host show courtesy to the other side as well...

An Unintended Lesson from Caillou

The other night I was watching the Sprout Channel, which is actually targeted at little children.  One of their staple late-night cartoons shows, Caillou, was on and I was too dang tired to change the channel (which is what I usually do when this show is on).  Caillou, by the way, is the name of the little bald-headed boy in the cartoon.  He lives in a nice suburban home with his nice suburban family of mother, father, little sister, and conveniently-appearing extended family and friends.  Caillou tends to be very enthusiastic about life and learning new things, and his attitude is infectious in a good way.  In other words, we're talking about the diametric opposite kind of role behavior than what you'd see on cynical, satirical South Park.  Let me give you an example from the episode I just saw...

It's early in the day and Caillou has just come back from the library where he checked out a book he wants to read.  The parents at home each tell him and his little sister that they are going to be too busy with other matters to attend to them, but they managed to conveniently coax dependable, useful ol' grandma over to the house to babysit them.  That suits upbeat Caillou just fine, who promptly announces to everyone that he is going to make a priority of reading his book.  Grandma can concentrate on playing with little sis while he reads. And thus the scene is set for this episode.

It becomes progressively clear over the course of the show that poor Caillou cannot find a quiet, undisturbed place in his house to read his book.  If he stays in his bedroom, the pet cat bothers him.  The playroom is a no-go as well, as his rambunctious, loud little sister is playing with grandma there.  What bothers me is when he goes into the living room and sits on the sofa to read.  His mother then walks right into the room and turns on the noisy vacuum cleaner, in essence asserting her presence and territorial authority over her young son.  Apparently, vacuuming the floor is part of her important "busy" work that is keeping her from spending time with her little children today, don't you see.  Caillou, unlike I'm sure any of the South Park boys (except possibly Butters), is O.K. with mom's brazen rudeness and happily looks elsewhere for quietness.  Finally, he discovers the only place where he can read in peace: his own bedroom closet.  He reads his book, about travel on the high seas, and imagines himself to be on a voyage of his own.  Then his family members, collectively looking for him after discovering that they are no longer able to ruin his reading experience, finally find him in his one successful place of literary refuge.  But it is too late: Caillou has finished the book!

Caillou is obviously, at least in this episode, a kid with no chips on his shoulders.  But I'd still keep an eye on him (were he actually a real person, that is): with the passage of years and hindsight, benign memories, especially those of interactions with close family members, can easily "go south" and be reinterpreted in a much more critical and even unforgiving light. Sure, the intended message is to demonstrate the "proper" way for children to present themselves in the face of adversity on the part of others. But an unintended lesson may also be that one can usually expect arbitrary, selfish and rude behavior on the part of those in authority...

Crying Babies Rule (and Drool)

I was leaving Barnes and Nobles the other day when a young couple walked in, the father holding an infant. Suddenly, the baby began to loudly wail, in a way that babies do which usually indicates that it's either feeding or diaper-changing time. Immediately, as if on cue, Daddy handed off little Junior to Mommy. Inside me, a longtime inner struggle began anew to suppress myself from breaking out into open laughter.

I don't like to see babies in distress, mind you. But I can tell when a cry is based on fear or pain, and when it is based on hunger, wetness, sleepiness, or just plain orneriness. And it is when the latter reasons provoke loud crying from little babies in public that I get so tickled. I like to see how the mother or father deals with the situation, but it's also amusing to note the irritation and discomfort that others around the baby express, especially when they're trying gamely to suppress it. The main locales for my perverse mirth at others' expense are assemblies, churches, theatres, restaurants, and stores. I find it particularly amusing when someone is speaking at an assembly and a baby suddenly begins to howl. First I observe how the person holding the baby reacts to the situation. They usually go down a list of options that could placate the kid. Sometimes, if all goes well, this can take several minutes. Meanwhile, others in the audience are beginning to nervously fidget and exchange furtive glances with each other. Then emerge the coughers and throat-clearers among the audience who think that, by doing this, they can discretely send a message to the parent to "get that brat out of here". And finally, it's fun to observe how the speaker carries on while essentially being heckled by a loud baby.

I also enjoy it when a baby is just learning to speak and is in the babbling stage. Often, in the same settings I've mentioned, one of these babblers will be suddenly inspired to go off on a loud rant, and nothing the adult-with-custody can do will shut the little tyke up. Hilarious!

I think little babies are cute, but I also think that we're all wired that way in order to make sure that they are collectively cared for. Nevertheless, we often find ourselves in conflicting social environments where babies simply don't fit in. And it's here that the pretensions to cultivated, civil demeanor that so many of us labor so hard to present to society crash down, simply because a baby is doing nothing more than acting like a baby. Of course, no one openly blames the baby: it's those inconsiderate parents who won't remove it from our presence!

When the Beatles performed in Germany before they hit the big time, the crowds would shout out "Mach Schau!", meaning "Put on a show!". And then the future "Fab Four" would liven things up a bit onstage (e.g. John Lennon once performed with a toilet seat around his neck). When I see a baby in a public place acting subdued and quiet, I often feel a "Mach Schau" moment coming over me. Or, in Mr. Toilet Seat's own inspired words: "Cry, baby, cry"!