Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story. ---Max Ehrmann
Max Ehrmann's prose poem Desiderata has always been a favorite of mine since I first heard it on the Les Crane singles hit played on the radio more than fifty years ago. Ehrmann wrote it in 1927, and I've quote lines from it in past articles...including last Friday's. As for the above excerpt, I have been reflecting on different types of positive, effective dialogue and have broken it all down to four:
1: I speak about what I want to the other party.
2: The other party speaks about what they want to me.
3: They talk to me about what I want them to.
4: I talk to them about what they want me to.
Note that none of the above necessarily implies that the two of us in dialogue will agree on the content of what is said, but rather that it's the choice of subject matter...spoken with tact and discretion...that can, in my opinion, lead to successful dialogues. Now the best of dialogues will combine all four elements, but I don't think that's always called for. Yet over the course of a relationship all four elements need their proper expression and a sense of respectful balance...what do you think?
One of my biggest problems with myself is that during a conversation I often find that I have stopped listening because I'm thinking about what I'm going to say next. I am really trying to work on that because I think it's quite disrespectful, even if I don't mean to be doing it. I am getting better, but it's still a work in progress for me.
ReplyDeleteI'm still trying to figure out how to converse. I usually find that I do better when I go into "Larry King mode" and pretend I'm interviewing the other party...and he'd let his guest go on and on, at least until the next commercial break. But of course, that's really an interview and not the kind of ideal conversation I'd like to experience.
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