Self-Esteem, Aspirations, and Obligations

Having spent my formative adolescent years in the seventies (actually, I thought I had pretty much figured everything out about life by the time I was eight and man, was I wrong), I was immersed in the burgeoning self-esteem movement. And what, you may ask, was that? Well this is (and thank you for asking) the idea that, more than anything, people, especially the young, have to be treated as special, unique individuals whose choices in life are all good, as long as it's THEIR choices. Who's to say what's good or not? And their enthusiasm and creativity mustn't be squelched in any event.

So, the way I see it, my obligation to society isn't just to follow the rules, responsibly take care of my family and myself, and to show charity and benevolence to others. Now I'm expected to chart out and live my own "unique" path, dazzling others with my creativity and personal pizazz. Did others before the 1970s feel this burden on themselves? Maybe, but not to the degree that folks nowadays generally do.

I think it's great to hear when my friends and family accomplish interesting things in their lives. I hope that they are possibly feeling the same about me whenever I occasionally do a "good work". But I think that I still pretty much subscribe to John Lennon's Watching the Wheels message instead of being a terribly busy type.

Perhaps you fail to make the connection with the "self-esteem" movement and the pressure to conform to an expanded idea of living a self-fulfilled life. But any good idea (and self-esteem is a good idea) can be twisted into something that is counterproductive. That all of us, as unique individuals, are innately worthy and have something to say certainly sounds great on the surface. But if you were to extrapolate from this the notion that society EXPECTS us to express that "something" through our works, then self-esteem does become a burden of sorts.

I can't begin to count the times someone has told me that I was smart (or even a genius) as an introduction to berating me for not putting my supposed higher intelligence to better use. Looking around and comparing myself with the people in my life, I don't see myself as being especially smart, but I don't think that I'm stupid, either. I do want to improve myself in some areas and would like to realize whatever potential I do have. And receive recognition for it. But I can't fall into the trap, at this age of mine (52), of judging the value of my own life by others' perceptions of how well I have been using my talents to serve society.

Let's just say that I have my aspirations, and that I am careful to keep those separated from my obligations. I have enough self-esteem both to feel hopeful for my future progress in the areas I have mapped out for self-improvement, as well as to reject any negative criticism from others for "not doing enough".