Who’s Happy?

“He’s dead, Captain. He died of too much happiness.” Thus said Dr. McCoy to Captain Kirk in the original Star Trek series episode titled I, Mudd (I probably missed a word or two with my faulty memory). Sounds nonsensical, doesn’t it? Well, that’s because it was meant to be nonsensical (see this relatively inferior episode to find out why, although you may discover that you just wasted an hour of your precious life). But I think I may, too, have just heard a little “serious” nonsense on the subject of happiness.

On National Public Radio's news show this morning was a segment about a study done to determine what kinds of people were the happiest. Using questionnaire results spanning nearly twenty years in people’s lives, the researchers concluded that social networking played an important role. Those in the center of social networks supposedly tended to be happier than those on the fringes. And happiness was defined by the researchers by certain possible answers on the questionnaire.

Broadly speaking (that’s how the radio reporter termed it), those in the center of social networks were more likely to catch “happiness waves” (I’m not kidding) as they swept through the network than those on its edges. The reporter then posed the question: wouldn’t those in the center of social networks be equally more susceptible to “unhappiness waves”? The answer given astounded me: no, because unhappiness spreads at a slower, SEVEN PERCENT less rate than does happiness. Now how did they pull that number out of the hat?!

I’m not against people speculating on subjective concepts like happiness and spreading their opinions around. After all, I do that sort of thing on this blog. But please don’t dress it all up with scientific, academic trappings and present it as some kind of objective truth! I could have just as easily assigned my own felt “happiness” weights to the different questions on their questionnaire, based on my own subjective values.

Everyone’s different, and happiness is not something at all quantifiable or even open to objective research. Going back to Star Trek (this time the beginning of Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home, a good movie), a recuperating Mr. Spock is on his home planet of Vulcan. He is recovering his memory and is being reeducated. A specially programmed computer exhaustively tests him on his knowledge and skills in the sciences. Then it poses a question that totally stumps the “objective” Spock: “How do you feel?”