Being Right Vs. Engendering Good Will

One of the toughest things I’ve had to learn in life is when to take a stand on issues that I know I am right about against others who are equally convinced of their own views. Take, for example, the folks I know in the evangelistic community who entertain rigid views about subjects like evolution, certain hot-button social issues, and the literal interpretation of the Bible. I doubt that my take on any of these subjects, if loudly expressed, would change any of the minds of those who disagree with me. But some of those holding differing opinions on these subjects tend to invest a great deal of emotional capital in their viewpoints and regard those differing with them as either being deluded at best, or as adversaries at worst. Whenever I come across one of these people and they bring up one of these subjects, I try my hardest to deflect the topic to another “safer” area. Now is that a reasonable course of action for me to take?

I know that I will probably never find another soul on this planet who is in complete agreement with me on everything. If I did, I probably wouldn’t want to hang around that person anyway. But then again, people do tend to hang on to their pet opinions with great emotional tenacity and can get upset when confronted by someone who disagrees with them.

We in the West tend to think of ourselves as more direct communicators, as opposed to Eastern traditions of face-saving and indirect communication. But take a look at any one of the old Andy Griffith shows where Sheriff Taylor is continually faced with the question I have posed: when to take a stand on something because he knows he’s right, and when to “let it go” for the sake of preserving a relationship (usually with his bumbling deputy Barney Fife). In spite of what you may generally see in the media, be it fiction or news/talk shows, our social lives are full of this dilemma.

As an American, it is important for me to lay out where I stand on issues that matter the most for me. I can use various indirect methods to do this, one of them being this blog. I can write letters to “official” people in positions of authority such as local, state, or national representatives, religious and business leaders, or anyone else whose position properly places them at the receiving end of correspondence directly related to the field that they are in charge of. I can also comment on issues by writing to any media outlet I choose as well. These are all relatively indirect venues of expressing my opinions. Even if one of those folks who knows me and disagrees with me reads my opposing opinion, they will not feel the immediate threat to their constitution that head-on expression would cause. Even demonstrating in public is, to me, more indirect a method of expression than a personal debate with another.

I would like to think that people could overcome their sometimes extreme personal attachments to their cherished viewpoints to be able to have reasonable discussions with others without feeling slighted or causing insult to their “opponents”. But people are people, and I’m also not above feeling miffed when someone directly contradicts me.

Of course, I also recognize, more and more as I grow older, that it’s important for others to know that if they want to have a positive, friendly relationship with me, they’re going to have to expect to hear my honest opinion about different things. And respect my differing view (and me) without having to agree with it. There is still that “Sheriff Taylor” within me, though. For although I’m now more likely to state my differing opinions to others, I’m still wise enough to know when not to raise “sacred cow” topics when in the midst of “true believers” of those “sacred cows”.