Make Soccer and Bowling More Interesting

This past Saturday afternoon in eastern Orlando, Melissa and I decided to have lunch at the Ruby Tuesday on University Drive. During our excellent meal, I noticed what was on the TV sets ringing the dining area: sports. Specifically, soccer and bowling. Ugh! I can't think of two more boring sports to have on TV.

Soccer was fun to play during physical education class at school, but only because the coach would back off and let the kids freely run around playing without getting hung up on positions and strategy. I think the different youth soccer leagues around nowadays are full of adults who are so full of themselves and soccer's intricacies that they spoil the fun of the sport for the children. But back to TV...

When I watch soccer highlights, all I see is scoring and excited celebrations. This is the complete opposite, though, of how actual games develop. For the most part, the two teams just keep kicking the ball back and forth, rarely even getting near the others' goals. Boring, boring, boring. Heck, it's getting now so that the game highlights themselves are so predictable with all the goals that even they have become boring. How can the game be changed to add some "pizazz"? One suggestion I have is what we did in elementary school soccer: add a second ball to the game, creating all kinds of chaotic possibilities!

Bowling for me is not only extremely boring to watch, but it is also boring to play! And what is it anyway with having to shell out the extra dough at bowling alleys for (smelly) bowling shoe rentals? Dammit, just get off my back and let me bowl in my regular shoes! But returning to this sport as it is seen on TV, I recently saw a bowling tournament being held in a large football stadium. Incredibly, there were actually people sitting up in the nosebleed sections watching it! I just don't get it: the tournament was still just as predictably boring as ever and holding it outdoors on a football field didn't change anything.

I also have a suggestion for "sexing up" bowling: instead of giving strikes the highest score, give bowlers the opportunity to make even bigger scores by setting up splits and then sparing them out. This would give the game an extra, more tactical dimension instead of the tedious repeating spectacle of bowlers just stepping up to the line and rolling the ball in excruciatingly predictable patterns.

Then again, while chomping away on my delicious lunch at Ruby Tuesday (crab cake with onion rings and macaroni & cheese), I came up with an instant sure-fire way to make the annoying soccer and bowling that was on more interesting: switch balls! Watch the soccer players try to kick a bowling ball around and watch the bowlers try to roll a soccer ball down the lane straight and long enough to knock down pins!