Compassion and Respect

Which comes first, respect or compassion? Or do they necessarily have to simultaneously exist? Let's take some examples.

I like animals. I feel compassion for them as individuals trying to make a successful go at their one shot at life. And they have their own ideas about what they want to do and be without me trying to dictate or force them into what I believe to be a better "life". I don't feel compassion for animals in the sense that I want to be a scientist and learn more about them by performing experiments on them. Nor do I feel compassion for animals in the sense that I am a naturalist and only see their worth in the context of them contributing to the welfare of their species in the wild. Those who hold these views and positions may claim to feel compassion for animals, but they don't respect them. At least not as sentient individuals with rights to live out their lives with some dignity. The way I see it, if you want to demonstrate your respect for animals, you need to take each one as an individual and respect its background without trying to drastically change it. That means not introducing domesticated (or partially domesticated) animals into the wild or experimenting on them in ways ostensibly designed to further the long-term interests
of their species. Instead, leave the wild animals as undisturbed and protected in their environments as practicable and allow those who have been raised or removed from the wild to retire in a more protected area that reflects their state of domestication (like that wonderful chimpanzee retirement community in Shreveport, Louisiana).

Suppose you are a believer in a religion whose creed states that insiders/believers go to heaven after death and everyone else goes for eternity to hell. And you then encounter one of those "unbelievers". The "compassionate" attitude would dictate that you say and do everything you can to make that individual a believer to avert eternal damnation, right? But doing this implies a complete lack of respect on your part for that person's present lifestyle and belief system. The commonly occurring result of this is that the believer comes across as judgemental, intolerant, and condescending. All three are traits which, incidentally, derive from a lack of respect for others. On the other hand, I have known people whom I was attracted to by their compassionate character and ethical behavior, without them ever once trying to proselytize their religious belief system to me. And then I would later discover their beliefs, making me wonder whether there wasn't something to that belief system. Compassion and respect, working together, and resulting in a much more favorable outcome.

I think possibly the greatest way to show (and receive) respect among others is to show interest in them and listen sympathetically to their stories and opinions. And remember their faces and names. And show them at later meetings that you esteem them by remembering their words and commenting (favorably) on them! Many...no, ALL friends have their personality and character flaws, with all sorts of ugly things and nasty habits that you can confront them with if you want to "compassionately" change them. But people in general need friends and allies, not another parent! Changing one's negative traits and habits for the better can seem most difficult, but it is more likely to come about if that person is confident of having a network of friends who show their respect and support. And unsolicited advice and correction is, believe me, quite overrated!

As you might have surmised from the previous three examples, I am a more than a little sensitive to "do-gooders" who push their values on others "for their own good" and disguise it as "compassion". Each of us has the built-in capacity to determine our own paths in life. We could use the company of respectful co-travelers, not those who want to change our destination for us!