Handling Third Party Disputes

Have you ever had an ongoing quarrel with someone else in the workplace, school, or any place that you attended regularly? Most honest people would say yes (unless they just told me to mind my own business). And most of us, from time to time, will complain about said troublesome person to another. Now when I do this (I try to avoid it as much as possible), I am not seeking an ally against the individual with whom I have the disagreement. Rather I am doing two things: venting my feelings out while also getting a third party’s perspective on the situation. That party doesn’t have to agree with my stand, but I do expect a bit of empathy (or even sympathy).

However, I do try to get along with everyone as much as humanly possible without becoming undignified about it. And that includes those whom others openly dislike. Often others will come to me expressing a criticism about a third party. And the object of the criticism is often someone whom I like and work well with. But I don’t feel the need to take sides in others’ disputes, and this is a good thing in general.

If every time people fell out with each other all of the surrounding people had to choose sides, we’d quickly find ourselves in very polarized situations with groups of people clinging together, bound by their mutual dislike of others outside their group. This is neither healthy on the scale of individual people or on the scale of nations.

And speaking of the scale of nations, our current president seems to believe as I do that (1) our friends’ foes don’t automatically have to be our foes and (2) we shouldn’t expect other countries to automatically fall in line with us and shun nations that we disapprove of. How refreshing and different from the previous administration’s overbearing international attitude! And how much better for our world as well!